The community
welcomes B.C.’s new Chief
of Police Compliance
VICTORIA, JAN. 14, 2019—Wearing crisp new uniforms barely distinguishable from those of the cheering police officers, members of B.C.’s Office of the Police-Compliant Commissioner today welcomed their new Chief of Police Compliance, Clayton Pecknold. The assembly saluted smartly as he strode onto the stage accompanied by the Saanich police marching band’s rendition of the theme from Dragnet. Pecknold took the podium under a banner proudly displaying the OPCC’s new motto: To Serve and Protect.
Few people can match Pecknold’s record of serving and protecting his community. Formerly a Royal Canadian Mounted Police officer, deputy police chief of Saanich police, director of PRIMECorp, a database run by former police who collect and distribute police-created whimsy on millions of British Columbians, president of the B.C. Association of Police Chiefs and assistant deputy minister and director of police services for the police-supportive Solicitor General, he will provide impartial civilian oversight of police investigations into police misconduct.
Furthering the police-compliant cause, he takes over an agency that operates in near-secrecy and answers to no one.
Pecknold was unanimously appointed by a legislative committee made up mostly of former police officers. His second in command is Deputy Chief of Police Compliance Rollie Woods, a former Vancouver police officer. Also serving as the OPCC’s media contact, Woods has beguiled readers of the Georgia Straight and Times Colonist with his gift for fantasy.
On stepping down after 10 years on the job, Pecknold’s predecessor Stan Lowe thanked B.C.’s media for its almost unrelenting support. “In no way could I have served as I did if so many journalists weren’t so accommodating. With extremely few exceptions the media reported exactly what I wanted them to report—no more and no less.”
On hand to corroborate those sentiments were Vancouver police constable Taylor Robinson, New Westminster police officer Sukhwinder “Vinnie” Singh Dosanjh and former Victoria police chief Frank Elsner.
After an unfortunate video showed Robinson shoving a disabled Indigenous woman to the sidewalk, “Stan served me and my community with utmost loyalty,” Robinson related. “He did so for four weeks, until the media reported my actions. I’m just grateful that they never asked him why he didn’t act earlier.
“Observing Stan all that time was B.C.’s director of police services, so I know the community’s in good hands with Chief Pecknold.”
Dosanjh expressed similar sentiments. “Although I’m once more facing criminal charges for sexual assault, I thank Stan and his crew for their support on equally serious previous charges. Given Chief Pecknold’s background, I’m sure our OPCC friends will appreciate his leadership as much as I do.”
Elsner conceded a falling-out with Lowe. “But that was only after the media reported my sexual misconduct,” he emphasized. “Stan knew four months earlier and served me very well indeed. Publicity changed that but, funny thing, no journalist ever asked why. Neither did anyone in the department headed by Chief Pecknold.”
Among Lowe’s future plans is an autobiography entitled Living Up To My Name.
Commenting on the OPCC’s new police-style uniforms, Pecknold said, “They’re partly a nostalgic tribute to the police forces so many of us come from. But more importantly, they reinforce our bond with the community we serve and protect.”
One police tool Pecknold’s force won’t be using, however, is the lie detector. “We don’t even mention them around here,” he said sotto voce. “Just hearing the words ‘lie detector’ sends Rollie into a panic attack.”
Acknowledging the event’s most deferential attendees, Pecknold thanked the B.C. Civil Liberties Association and Pivot Legal Society for their catering services.
(Note: An earlier spoof on this site presaged something akin to Clayton Pecknold’s appointment.)
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